Realization: Family

Today, I had to ride with my sister when she was going to pick up my aunt and her daughter. She, well, she hates their guts with a passion. It is because they've been disrespectful to her and her daughter, stealing their stuff and just messing with their lives. I could tell that it told every once of self restraint my sister had not to kill them. I guess that's why I had to go with her. Afterwards, it got me thinking, if these people hate each other, always plot for the others unhappiness, why are we even a family in the first place? It doesn't make sense. What also makes no sense is bringing a child in the world when you're not all together. My mom has always had an issue with weight. That started to spill over to my sister when mom started to put her in weight loss programs. Then, it spilled over to me, but I didn't realize it until later. When I was ten, I thought that my sister ate a candy bar of mine and I called her 'fat' in front of her friend on the phone. Well, she told mom and mom slapped me in the face, angry that I said that. She didn't apologize until a few days later. I didn't understand why what I said hurt, until what Lisa told me in the car today. Nobody explained to me back then how hurtful that word was or how much my mom and my sister struggle with it. Mom just slap me, yelled at me and apologized with no explanation as to why she did it. Well, years later, mom and I had a big blow-out and I brought it up. She said that my aunt would do the same thing. But, I kept telling her that I wasn't my aunt and that I was me. But, she didn't listen. Today, mom lost weight from gastric bypass, but she has complications. My sister is angry with our mom because she's always sick. Right now, I feel sad because I don't understand why my family members spent so much time and effort hurting each other or why we're even together in the first place. Also, I don't want to be thin. I thought I did because I thought that what everyone expected of me. Then, I saw my mom. Not only is she still having complications, she's not the same person I thought that I knew. She's moody, angry and mad at everything. I don't want that. I don't want to be something I'll never be because the world wants me to. Also, I don't want to be like my mom: suffering right now because her weight obsession was much more important than the love of her family and the love of those who care about.