Realization: I'm Okay

It takes a really good friend to tell you that you're okay being you. It felt weird when Debbie told me that today while driving me home from a district meeting. The trick is keeping that in mind, even during the times when I doubt myself. I'm glad and grateful that Debbie told me that. :D

A Vow to Myself

Today, I made an important vow to myself: I vow to challenge what it is to be 'normal'; in my enviroment, in society, etc. All my life, I felt that I had to be 'normal' to be happy. But, what exactly is 'normal' and if I become it, will I be any happier? Will everyone I know and don't know be happier? What if I'm not happy being 'normal', according to popular opinion? That's what I want to challenge and win at. :D

My first meeting with my family

Last night, my sister and my niece came with me to Gosho Study. I was nervous because I didn't know how they would take everything. I explained to them the organization, gongyo and daimoku along with the help of my fellow SGI members. They, we had our Gosho study. I was surprised and amazed that my sister picked up on everything so quickly. I'm happy that my family was there. :D

Happy :D

I'm happy that this weekend was good and not what I thought it would be. I met my nephew Kameron and he exactly like my niece, Alexis. :D They are like tow peas in a pod. They send yesterday and today together. I saw Karemon again today and gave him a copy of "The New Human Revolution: Volume 1" and my contact info. I hope that he likes it and contacts me soon. :D

Realization: Foolishness

Foolishness comes in everyone's life, but the kind of foolishness that you always remember is the kind you least suspect. With me, my foolishness was my money, especially during these past few years. I've always been careful with it, saving it and such. But, then, my family problems started to grow and I felt I had to help, or people would see me as selfish. So, I gave up my savings and took out loans to help, thinking that it would be enough, but it wasn't. Everyone was stress, me more so, because I tried to help as best I could, but it wasn't enough. Instead of finding a healthy way to cope, I went to credit cards to deal. I felt that I had something to control in that situation. Then, I got into debt. I went to Credit Advisors for help and got out of debt. However, it didn't late long because my family needed help and my mom was in the hospital, so I had to take out credit cards and loans to help once again, but I ended up worse off than before. At times, I felt like screaming at my family and blaming them for getting me in this situation, not once, but twice. But, then, I stopped myself, realizing that I got myself in this and I had to deal with the results of my actions.

My advice is this: if you're stress out over whatever, find a healthier way to deal than going for the quick fix:

1. Talk to a therapist.
2. Talk to good friends.
3. Play with your pets.
4. Play with your kids.
5. Clean, clean, clean. :D
6. Exercise.
7. Listen to music.
8. Meditate.
9. Read.
10. Write in a journal.
11. Write poetry.
12. Write a story.
13. Sketch.

Whatever else you can think of that's healthy, do it.

Realization: Graditude

I, like everyone, I think forgets to be grateful for what they already have and lament on want we don't have. This could be anything. It reminds me of President Toda said in The Human Revolution, Book 2: People suffers because they see their neighbors with new and expensive things and feel that they should have those things, too but don't have the means to do so. He also said that science should bring people together and benefit mankind towards the greater good, not divide us. When I read what he said, I thought, "Hey, That's Me! I'm trying to keep up with everyone around instead of being grateful for what I already got!" It's very easy to forget to be grateful.

Realization: Perfection

To me, I feel like everywhere I turn, people except me to be perfect. Perfect body, perfect genetics, perfect credit, perfect job, perfect house, etc. But, what is perfect and what's the real price of it? I tried to be perfect because I thought that's what people expected of me. But, I didn't feel perfect; I felt pressured to keep up the facade out of fear of rejection or ridicule and it ended up hurting me in the end. Also, I think of others who resort to crime, terrorism, etc.; they hurt others because they are hurting. They feel that they're imperfect and those who are perfect need to suffer or they feel that they are perfect and those who are imperfect must submit to their will or suffer. I don't want to be perfect anymore. All I want is for people to love and accept me for all that I am, faults and all. When I pass on, I don't want to be asked, were you perfect in your life? I want to be asked, did you live a good life despite your imperfections?