Realization: Inner Strength

Today, after doing Gongyo, I talked to my invisible Gohonzon, apologizing for feeling sad about losing my dad and everything that's happened last year. Then, I realized that the reason why all these things happened to me is because the Mystic Law felt that I was strong enough to handle all of this. Otherwise, none of this would be happening or I would have fallen to pieces years ago. Does this sound strange?

Fear: Can I truly do it on my own?

Recently, I've been thinking, with everything going on in the economy today, can I truly do it on my own? Before credit, when people wanted something, they've save and save until they have just what they need. Today, it feels like I'm surrounded by everyone telling my the woes of bad credit, the benefits of good credit, etc. I had good credit once. Hell, I had excellent credit, until I ruined it myself, trying to help or otherwise. Now, I'm scared that I can't do it on my own, that my credit score be the only thing people see and not who I am as a person. It makes me feel sad, isolated and worthless. :...(

where to take responsibility

How does one know where to take responsibility and where not do? Lately, I've been apologizing for almost everything that's been going on: climate change, the economy, etc. I feel as if everything's my fault because I should have seen this coming, I should have been smarter, I should have tried harder, the list just goes on. People tell me it's not my fault and not to worry about it, but others remind me of what's happening and I feel guilty again. Are my feelings justified or am I just being a worry wart again?

Meet the Pros: Day 2

Well, today was the final day of Meet the Pros 2009. I had my portfolio reviewed, which was good because it'll help me focus on what I need to work on. We also had panel discussions and door prizes, in which I won a notebook and a coffee mug with two Sonic's coupons. I'm glad that I went and can't wait for next year. :D

Meet the Pros: Day 1

Today, I went to Meet the Pros at the Mid-America Center in Council Bluffs. We have speakers and workshops there, along with breakfast and lunch. The workshops I went to were the virtual tours for 36 Point, Swanson-Russell and dd/a; I also went to Cover Letter & Resume, the Art of Diplomacy and the beauty of internships, or something. Tomorrow, I will be running the gauntlet because my portfolio will be reviewed. I will be looking for what's good and what needs work, so stay tuned to this channel for further updates. :)

Happy News: The Plumber :D

Well, Debbie called me today and said that the plumbing's been fixed and it only cost $99! I would like to thank Amy Marie Meek, Southside Plumbing and those would helped. :D

My First Realization - Part 2: The Lower Worlds

Today, unfortunately, I entered the lower worlds of the Buddha:

Hell - Feeling helpless about my family situation.

Hungry - Feeling always hungry: for food, respect, love, financial security, etc.

Animality - Feeling posessive over my posessions.

Anger - Feeling that my family sees me as nothing more than a servant and/or ATM machine, feeling that they'll completely unable to do anything for themselves without me there to 'save them' and feeling tired of always being the 'family savior'; always saving my family but no one saving me.

I realized this as I was chanting Daimoku. I'm chanting for my family's happiness, but I haven't a clue where to start. What should I do? :(

My First Realization, I Think

Today, while I was doing Daimoku, I discovered that the Gohozon, like the image of the prophet Mohammad, is sacred and that's why there's little to no images of them. Also, like the Muslim faith, Daishonin Buddhiism has many preconceived misconceptions about the true nature of the practice. Sadly, it's fueled by old stereotypes and the misguided act of a few, which only ended up hurting the whole. I concluded that it's up to all of us who practice our faith the right way to take the first steps in showing the world that we're more than a preconceived misconception while showing kindness, dignity and respect to others who practice different faiths at the same time.

:D